


Through Thick and Thin

by jacinth



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Amused everyone else, And He Knows It, Angst, Bickering, Drunkenness, Friendship, Harry's a big dummy, Hungry Louis, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jay and Anne are mutual mummies, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Marriage, Pining, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Harry, Recreational Drug Use, Sad Louis, Top Louis (for now), Unrequited Love, and they know things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-24 14:29:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2584709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacinth/pseuds/jacinth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being rejected by the boy he had loved all his life and watching him marry another, Louis is left to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart. Two years pass in a haze of sex and alcohol until Louis meets Dale and settles into a relationship. Months later, Harry comes back home after filing for divorce from his wife and selling their flat. Louis is happy to see his old friend after two years apart; he'd be a lot happier if he wasn't still so stupidly in love with the man who broke his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Then & Now

**Author's Note:**

> I'll give you guys fair warning, you're probably going to wanna kill me after reading this chapter, and perhaps the ones that follow... just, bear with me.
> 
> I listened to 'Habits (Stay High)' by Tove Lo and got myself into a mood, this was the result.

**Then**

_“I love you.”_  
  
 _“I know.”_  
  
 _“No. I mean, I love you, the way you love her.”_  
  
 _“I know.”_

_  
Louis looked on with a heavy heart as Harry gazed at his beautiful bride as she walked gracefully down the aisle toward him. When he had pictured this day growing up, he had always imagined he would be the one to meet Harry at the altar._

_They had been friends all their lives. Louis had loved Harry for just as long and he knew the other man felt something for him too, but Harry had made his choice. He chose her. He loved her._

_And here Louis was, behind Harry; the best man. Supporting him just as he always had; as he always would, no matter how much agony it caused him. He would remain by Harry's side through thick and thin._

 

_Harry watched Stella walk down the aisle and smiled brightly at her, extending his hand. She was everything he'd ever wanted and he knew then, as she smiled back at him, that he'd made the right decision._

 -:-

_At the end of his speech, everyone's eyes were wet and Louis steeled himself, turning to the happy couple and raising his glass. “Take care of him.”_

_In that moment, the last piece of his heart that hadn't been shattered finally succumbed._

 

 

**Now**

_I eat my dinner in my bathtub_  
 _Then I go to sex clubs_  
 _Watching freaky people gettin' it on_  
 _It doesn't make me nervous_  
 _If anything I'm restless_  
 _Yeah, I've been around and I've seen it all_

_I get home, I got the munchies_  
 _Binge on all my Twinkies_  
 _Throw up in the tub_  
 _Then I go to sleep_  
 _And I drank up all my money_  
 _Dazed and kinda lonely_

_  
_Louis' hips swayed back and forth in time with the rhythmic pounding bass, sweat dripping down his neck and back from the closeness of the bodies on the dance floor.

He knew there were dozens of eyes on him as he put on a show; and they knew they couldn't have him _  
  
_ _He_ decided who he took home and he didn't tolerate pushiness, though he was never surprised when someone pressed against his back, hands on his hips, dick grinding into his ass. Like now, for instance. Gripping the overly friendly hand, Louis removed it from his body and turned, looking up at the man it belonged to with raised eyebrows. “Can I help you?”

The guy gave him a cocky smirk, “You can help me by riding my cock all night long.”  
  
Louis laughed, “I don't bottom and _that_ ,” he eyed the guy's crotch in distaste, “is hardly going to convince me.”

The guy refused to take no for an answer, grabbing his arm when he turned to walk away. “There's nothing quite like breaking in a virgin ass.”

Sighing, Louis spun around and slapped the man, hard, shocking him into releasing his arm. Most people would have expected him to knee the guy in the balls and/or throw a punch but Louis found a good old fashioned bitch slap did the trick, especially when the aim was right. Flicking his fringe out of his eyes, Louis turned and continued on his way, hopping up on a bar stool and ordering a [Vieux Carré](http://drinks.seriouseats.com/images/20110307vieuxcarreprimary.jpg), sipping it as he scoped out the place looking for a new distraction. He knew why everyone assumed he was a bottom; he was tiny for a man: 5 feet 8 inches (he'd tell you he was 5'9 if you asked) He dressed nice and always had his hair done just so. He was always the one to fiddle with said hair and clothes and he knew this tic made him look insecure and nervous, he wasn't, at least not in public.

He'd considered bottoming, more than once, the _need_ to was there - he just couldn't bring himself to let someone have that kind of control over him. After the... thing with Harry, he swore he'd never let another person hurt him that way again. Which was beyond pathetic, as he and Harry were never together, in _any_ sense of the word. They'd only ever been friends, aside from the fact that Louis had loved Harry since before he knew what the word meant. He knew Harry had felt something more than friendship for him growing up too but they'd never acted on it.

Then, right out of high school _Stella_ had come along and Harry had fallen arse over tea kettle in love, and Louis really couldn't blame him, Stella was beautiful, and funny. Though, there was something about her that had always rubbed Louis the wrong way – at first he thought it was jealousy then he realized it was something else he couldn't put his finger on. Something in her eyes.

After a year of dating, Harry had proposed and Stella had accepted and Louis, had went off the deep end. Up until that point, he had been a virgin goody-two-shoes with glasses and top marks. Within a week of the engagement Louis had managed to get drunk, stoned, fucked (technically he did the fucking but the point remained the same) attend an orgy and do body shots off of Niall, which had to be some sort of health hazard because you never knew where the lad had been.

Some would have taken these acts as a cry for help, but Louis hadn't been trying to get Harry's attention so much as he had been trying to _move on_ and make new friends so he had a life to fall back on when Harry -who had literally been his social life up until that point – was not longer around.

Even _if_ he had been trying to get Harry's attention -which he hadn't been- it had literally done fuck all. The only thing Harry had noticed about him after his two weeks of debauchery was that he had gotten contacts; he had also asked Louis to be his best man.

Louis' plan to distance himself from Harry had worked to a degree, he hadn't spent the entire six months leading up to the wedding curled up on his sofa with a cheesecake. Instead he spent it partying and fucking, and he had honestly thought he was prepared to say goodbye to his best friend. Then before he knew it, it was the night before the wedding and they were slightly tipsy after deciding to spend that night hanging out, just the two of them like old times before Harry was married. With a bottle of rum.

Somehow things had turned upside down and they'd ended up cuddled on the sofa -it wasn't a new thing for them, though it had stopped when Harry met Stella- and Louis' big mouth had blurted those three words that had ruined everything.  
  
'I love you'

As it turned out though, Harry had already known about his feelings and this had hurt Louis more than anything else that had happened. It had meant that Harry hadn't deemed him worthy enough to take a chance on or so he thought, until Harry had told him that he loved him too.

 

_'...but it's enough, Louis.'_

 

_'You love her more.'_

 

_'Yes. I'm so sorry, Lou. She's my future – she's the one.'_

 

Out of everything that had been said and done, those words were what had broken Louis for good.

Yet at the same time, he had understood. If _he_ had been with Harry and someone had told Louis they loved him, even if it were someone he'd had feelings for or had dated at some point, he wouldn't have hesitated to tell them his heart was Harry's and always would be... he laughed quietly to himself. He knew down to the very depths of his soul that Harry was ' _the one'_ for him – he also knew that he wasn't the one for Harry. Life was a cruel thing.

It had been two years since the wedding, and Louis never saw Harry anymore. He still heard from him on holiday's and on his birthday and vice versa but they hadn't actually seen each other much since the happy couple returned from the honeymoon. They had bought a fancy flat in London and Louis had stayed in Doncaster where he was working as a part-time assistant until he had his degree and could teach full time. He drove to London some weekends when he felt like having a really good time, after which he usually stayed with his friend from school, Perrie, and her boyfriend Zayn, though he never saw Harry on these trips.

At first he had blamed himself for telling Harry about his feelings, then he thought that perhaps the other man was giving him space, time to move past his feelings, he knew the latter was most likely. Not to mention things would be beyond awkward. Every night he wished to God he hadn't said anything, if he hadn't, he wouldn't of had to hear those words that would haunt him til he was old and grey, and might still have Harry in his life.

Louis sighed and finished his drink, maybe he should just go home, no one was catching his eye tonight.

“I said leave me _alone!_ ”  
  
Looking up at the distressed voice, Louis was met with a scene. The guy next to him was currently trying to escape a grabby man who refused to take no for an answer. Hopping off the stool, Louis tapped the big guy on the shoulder. He wasn't in the mood to fight so he decided on taking the easy approach.

“Would you mind not harassing my boyfriend?” he snapped, shoving past the burly bloke and throwing an arm around his intended victim. The guy looked at them for a moment with narrowed eyes then took off, not wanting to draw further attention to himself and end up getting kicked out. Louis huffed and turned to the man next to him, who met his gaze with nervous brown eyes. He was gorgeous.  
  
“Thanks.” the guy smiled at him sweetly, extending a hand, “I'm Dale.”  
  
“Louis.”

 Dale looked coyly at him through his lashes and Louis knew he was getting laid tonight.

 

_You're gone and I gotta stay_  
 _High all the time_  
 _To keep you off my mind_  
 _Ooh-ooh_  
 _ooh-ooh_

_Spend my days locked in a haze_  
 _Trying to forget you babe_  
 _I fall back down_  
  
 _Gotta stay high all my life_  
 _To forget I'm missing you_


	2. Brownies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually like to update the first few chapters quickly to get the ball rolling, and I'll try to update every couple of days.

It was supposed to be a one night thing.

Yet here they were three months later curled up in Louis' bed after a vigorous bout of sex; Dale's head lying on his shoulder as they exchanged lazy, sated kisses. Louis had a boyfriend, and he doesn't know how it happened, but he didn't mind a bit.  
  
“Hungry love?” he asked against Dale's lips and received a smile in answer.

“I could eat.”  
  
Sitting up, Louis tossed the blanket off and walked, naked, to the door before glancing over his shoulder with a crooked smile, “Coming?”

As it turned out, eating scrambled eggs in the nude was quite the aphrodisiac and ended with sex on the kitchen counter, Louis would have to remember that for later reference.

Later that night Louis found himself staring up at the ceiling as Dale was sleeping against his side; his body warm and comforting, better than the quick fucks he'd had over the last two years, but somehow, he felt guilty. He knew it was ridiculous to feel like he was betraying Harry and that wasn't the case, it was that he felt more like he was betraying _himself_. He knew the feeling well, it swamped him every time he pushed his cock into someone. It was worse now that he was seeing Dale exclusively because there was a voice inside that kept screaming at him.

 _'what are you doing?'_  
 _'This isn't fair to Dale or you'_  
 _'Your heart will never be his, don't try to fool yourself..._ '

Louis just wanted to bang his head against the wall until everything was quiet again. He was snapped out of his thoughts then by the sensation of Dale's lips sucking along his neck, causing him to slowly harden beneath the blankets.

“Louis,” Dale whined and Louis pecked him on the lips.

“I know, love. I know.” he breathed, reaching blindly to the side for the lube and condoms that he kept on the nightstand when his boyfriend slept over. It had only been a few hours and Dale was still loose enough to not need prep so he just rolled the condom on and slicked himself before crawling between Dale's spread thighs and pushing inside.

The voice could fuck off.

 

-:-

It was a Sunday evening and Louis and Dale were having dinner at Jay's house, this was the night he introduced Dale to his mum and sisters; they had been together four months, he figured it was a good time. Jay's jaw had hit the floor and stayed there until she shook herself and hugged her son's boyfriend, welcoming him to their home. 

“I didn't know you were seeing anyone.” Jay said later when they were alone in the kitchen. Louis paused, placing the teacups on the tray before turning to her with a smile.  
  
“I met Dale four months ago... I didn't tell you because I wanted to wait it out, see if it turned into more than it... started out as.” He rushed out, fiddling with his fringe and tugging on his sweater.  
  
Jay looked at him in silence for a few moments and Louis was starting to get worried she would mention _him_ but then she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him tightly. “I'm happy if you're happy, Dale is a sweet boy.” she sighed in his ear before pulling back with an odd look on her face, her hands gripping his shoulders. “You need to gain some weight baby.”  
  
Clearing his throat, Louis looked down at his shoes and shrugged. He knew his weight bothered his mother greatly and if she had her way she'd lock him up and feed him to death, but it wasn't like he was doing it on purpose. Stress began eating at him when Harry announced his engagement, but it wasn't until after the wedding that it literally began eating at him. He had lost thirty pounds within two months of the wedding and his mother nearly had a nervous breakdown even when he told her it was just stress, school and not taking care of himself properly. It wasn't like he starved himself, food just wasn't as appealing as it used to be, it still wasn't, that's why two years later he still hadn't gained any of the weight back.

“I can't seem to,” he said finally, “I don't starve myself, I eat, it's just that I'm always on the go, and the stress from uni makes it harder...” he huffed and flicked his hair. It was a lie, but he refused to admit that losing Harry had effected him so much.

“You're skin and bones, where's my soft little teddy bear? You'd... you'd tell me if you were on drugs?”

“Oh, my God, _mum!_ I'm not on drugs. That boy is just gone, he's dead, he'll never come back.” he snapped, instantly regretting it when her face went from concerned to full-blown mum worry. She didn't know what had happened between him and Harry, she only knew he had feelings for the other man and that he'd been hurt when he'd gotten married. He prayed he hadn't just given himself away. Before she could say anything he picked up the tray and headed to the living room where his sisters were telling Dale embarrassing stories.

“Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes,” Jay informed them at the same time there was a knock on the door. She smiled, “Oh, that'll be Anne! I invited her over tonight, she misses you too, Louis.”  
  
Louis' heart sank. He saw Anne about as much as he saw Harry these last years which was never; he sent Christmas and birthday cards of course but other than that he kept his distance. Anne loved Louis like a son, but she reminded him of Harry. He couldn't... he wouldn't have found that at all comforting. It was selfish of him, he knew. He just wanted to protect himself from any more pain, though he was happy he would get to spend time with her tonight, he'd missed her. Louis stood when he heard Anne's voice and walked around the sofa as she and his mum came towards the livingroom.

“Louis!” she cried happily, tugging him into a mama bear hug and his throat clogged with tears that he was determined not to let fall. He wrapped his arms around her just as tightly, squeezing his eyes shut. It was his way of letting her know he'd missed her. She seemed to realize this and her arms tightened. They pulled back a few moments later and she petted his cheek. “Don't think you'll get away with leaving me for another two years!”  
  
“I won't,” he laughed as they sat down. He could see her examining him from the corner of his eye and knew what she was seeing. He gripped Dale's hand then, needing it to ground him and saw the exact moment her eyes took notice.  
  
“This is Dale, Dale, this is Anne, my second mother.” he said warmly, introducing them. Anne eyed Dale curiously for a second as they shook hands.

“Nice to meet you Dale,” She greeted pleasantly with a smile and Dale blushed, returning the words.

For the next twenty minutes they chatted about different things, getting caught up with each other, until Lottie opened her big yap. “How's Harry?”

Louis wanted to know too, but at the same time he was dreading the answer.

Anne's face went serious and she reached for her cup, taking a sip and sighing heavily. This had Louis worried; Harry was okay, wasn't he?

As she took in the worried expressions on everyone's faces she laughed quietly, “Physically he's fine, but he's just filed for divorce from Stella so he's having a hard time right now.”

As Jay began speaking her words became nothing but white noise to Louis as he processed what Anne had just said. Divorce? How? Most importantly, _why?_ Harry had told him Stella was the one; the love of his life. Why would he just up and walk away from her? There were so many emotions coursing through him that Louis' whole body felt hot and cold at once. He shook himself out of it when Anne spoke again, “He's coming home next week, not permanently, just for a while. He sold the flat and says he'll look for a new one while he's home. He needs his family right now.”

Louis' stomach was so tightly knotted that he felt as if he might vomit and it only got worse as Anne continued, directing her words at him, “You and he will be able to spend time together again, Louis. He'll need a friend and you've been with him since you were both in toddling around in diapers.”

That was true. Louis had been one when Anne had moved to town with Harry and Gemma, Harry had been two. Jay and Anne had told them the story millions of times - they had met in a grocery shop of all places when their mums both paused their carts in the same aisle to pick out various things from their shopping lists. Harry had been in one cart, Louis in the other, and when Jay and Anne turned back, the two boys were holding hands. To this day Anne cursed herself for not carrying a camera in her purse the way some other mums had. After that day the two women became friends and Harry and Louis became inseparable, their mums embarrassing them with the story every chance they got.

Rolling his lips together, Louis nodded and felt Dale's arm around his waist tighten, it comforted him, knowing he wouldn't be alone this time. He sighed and leaned into Dale's side and smiled at Anne. “I've missed him.”

  
“He missed you too.” she smiled warmly back.

-:-

Louis' hum turned into a screech as his arm connected with the side of the oven, only for a split second but it still hurt like a bitch. He was _attempting_ to make brownies – he and Dale were minding the little monsters, also known as his sisters while Jay, Anne and Gemma had a 'girls day'. Dale was currently being mauled in the living room and Louis was in the kitchen with the radio and a mess. After checking his arm to make sure he didn't actually burned himself horribly, he went back to mixing brownie batter because one batch was just not enough to satisfy the hoard.

As he stirred he felt warmth press against his back and giggled, turning to kiss Dale on the chin. “I put a film on for the girls.”

“Mmm...” Louis hummed, dipping his finger into the batter and lifting it to Dale's mouth before turning to connect their lips. The kiss quickly deepened and Dale spun him around so they were facing one another, his hands fisting the back of Louis' sweater before travelling down to squeeze his bum, causing him to squirm and giggle. Louis felt a little bad that this was as close to his ass as he would let Dale get, but he still couldn't bring himself to bottom. Maybe some day, he hoped. Dale did too, obviously. Louis squawked as Dale suddenly lifted him, setting him on the counter as they continued their snogging session. He became vaguely aware of the doorbell ringing but decided to ignore it, knowing one of the girls would answer it.

Louis was really starting to wish they were back at his place as he let his head fall back against the cabinet while Dale's lips began trailing down his neck. He shivered when warm fingers inched under his jumper to massage over his lower back. 

“Erm...”  
  
Louis eyes flew open at the sound of the gravelly voice he remembered so well; his cheeks flushing as he peeked over Dale's shoulder to where Harry was standing in the entryway with an odd expression on his face. Swallowing nervously, Louis hopped down; smacking at Dale's hands as they tugged on the hem of his jumper.

He wanted to hug Harry but couldn't bring himself to do so, instead he smiled brightly. “Harry! You're just in time for brownies!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Louis should bottom for Dale or should he save his first time for Harry? (if so, it will take a while because our dear Harold has a LOT of work to do) 
> 
> Also, sorry if the writing is a little off, I've been so distracted these last few weeks, hopefully it'll get better as life calms down and I have a chance to really get a handle on this story. I didn't forget about Best Things either, so don't worry!
> 
> Comments are my fuel :)


	3. Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this update was really fast but the chapter was done so why not?

                                            

 

Harry stared at him for a moment before smiling back; it didn't reach his eyes but Louis couldn't blame him, divorce was never easy, he remembered how his mum had been after she had split from his step-dad.

“I love brownies.” Harry said and Louis wanted to cry at the awkward air in the room. He and Harry had been so close once, until Louis had spoiled it with his big mouth.

“I know, remember when we were kids you couldn't even wait for them to be cooked so the batter was gone before your mum could get them in the oven.” he snorted trying to break the ice. Harry smiled at him and nodded before his eyes darted back to Dale causing Louis to mentally facepalm.

“Oh! Harry, Dale, Dale, Harry.” He introduced, gesturing wildly with the stirring spoon he hadn't even realized he was still clutching. Yeah, he had definitely eaten too much chocolate this afternoon. Dale automatically extended a hand and Harry returned the gesture with a curt nod. Louis frowned, Harry was the friendliest person he knew yet now, he seemed so... cold. Stella must have really done a number on him.

Louis found himself wishing Dale wasn't there so he could talk to Harry alone. The thought was followed quickly by guilt, Louis was with Dale; Harry wasn't the center of his world anymore. Except, deep down, he knew that was a lie. Fuck he was so stupid.

The awkward silence was back, then Dale seemed to realize he needed time with an old friend because he pecked him on the lips and went to see what the girls were up to.

Louis took a moment to look Harry over from hat to boots; he looked so different yet somehow the same. His shoulders were wider, body leaner, hair longer, face sharper and Louis found himself feeling things he shouldn't, things that should be long dead.

“How are you?” Louis asked as picked up the bowl and began stirring absentmindedly.  
  
Leaning against the counter, Harry pinched his bottom lip between his thumb and pointer finger seemingly considering the best way to answer. “I've been better,” he admitted finally, gaze flitting from the wall to Louis' face; there was something in those green eyes that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, not in a bad way, but not in a good way either. Louis couldn't put his finger on it and that bothered him; he'd always been able to read Harry like a book.

Pausing, Louis set the bowl back down and moved closer to his old friend, only hesitating for a moment before placing his hand on top of Harry's. “I'm so sorry you're going through this, Harry.”

Harry's eyes met his and his lip curled back almost in a sneer, “I'm not. I fucked up, I deserve it.”

Louis' heart broke for his friend, how could Harry think he deserved to be miserable? He knew Harry and whatever he'd done couldn't have been that bad. “Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone can be forgiven,” he said softly, sweeping his thumb back and forth against the back of the other man's hand comfortingly.

“Not everyone can forgive _themselves_ for ruining their own lives,” Harry countered, eyes fixed on the wall behind Louis.

“It can't be that bad, Harry. Don't torture yourself.”

Harry laughed quietly. “Still the same old Lou, you don't even know what I did and you're already on my side.”

“I know we've drifted apart these last few years,” Louis began softly, “and that's my fault, I'm so sorry for that – but I'll always be on your side, Harry.” he finished before finally giving in to the urge to hug the taller man and wrapping his arms around Harry tightly. Sometimes all one needed was a hug. Harry's arms enveloped him and Louis felt his heart constrict; When would he stop feeling this way every time he was near Harry?

“I know you will, Lou.” Harry said and Louis would swear his voice broke, “I don't deserve you, and _nothing_ was your fault. All of it, everything that happened rests on _my_ shoulders alone.”

“Don't be ridiculous, Harry! A marriage has two parties.” Louis growled, growing more and more incensed that Harry blamed himself completely for whatever had happened. “Some things, are impossible to move past to continue a relationship, that is true, but nothing is unforgivable.”

“You're wrong,” Harry rasped as he pulled away, shoving both hands in his pockets and walking across the kitchen to look out the window. “Some regrets run too deep, especially when there's nothing you can do to fix it.”  
  
“If you regret leaving Stella... talk to her, I'm sure she-”  
  
Harry exhaled sharply but didn't turn around. “I don't regret filing the divorce papers. I regret the marriage.”  
  
Louis fell silent then, his throat constricting. Had it been _that_ horrible? “I don't know what happened so I can't really say anything, but if and when you're ready to talk, I'm here.”  
  
Harry just snorted and Louis felt stung by it even though he knew it had nothing to do with him.  
  
They both jumped then when the oven timer went off, signaling the brownies were cooked and Louis grabbed the oven mitts off the counter, slipping them on before taking the brownies out. “Erm, Harry? Would you mind pouring the rest of the batter into the pan on the counter?”  
  
Looking away from the window Harry made his way over, picking up the bowl and using the spoon to help get the mixture into the pan. “Smells good.” he mumbled.  
  
Louis smiled at him, wanting to take that hat off, push those curls behind his ears and hug him again; Harry had grown his hair longer than he'd ever worn it before and Louis thought it suited him. “You can have the first piece as soon as they cool.”

Harry just nodded, a small smile on his lips and Louis had to look away as his heart swelled. Would these feelings ever go away? They weren't wanted, by Louis nor Harry, so why did his stubborn heart cling to them so hard?

“Need any help babe?” Dale's voice came from the entryway and Louis looked up with a grin.

“We're handling it, right Harry?” He looked over at the other man only to find him glaring at Dale, spoon clutched in his hand like he was thinking of using it as a weapon. He couldn't blame Harry, having someone interrupt when you were with a friend was always a tad annoying. Louis cleared his throat. “First batch is ready, they just need to cool.”  
  
Dale nodded, giving Harry another nervous glance before going back into the other room once more. “How long?” Harry asked, pointing the spoon to where Dale had just been and Louis smiled fondly.  
  
“Five months. He's wonderful, I finally understand what you meant about finding the one.”

The last part was a lie, he knew Dale wasn't the love of his life and he'd _always_ understood what finding 'the one' felt like; he'd felt it since he was a child, but he didn't want Harry to think he was still foolishly in love with him and stress him out more than he already was, that was the last thing Harry needed right now.

Pain filled Harry's eyes and Louis wanted to kick himself for bringing up Stella. “I'm sorry-”

A laugh burst out of Harry but it was raw and pained, matching his eyes until they closed, when they reopened all traces of emotion were gone. Something tugged in Louis' chest and he was about to push it, then Harry spoke.

“It's fine. Now, gimme a brownie!” the tone was playful but it was abundantly clear that the subject was closed.

Louis giggled as Harry made grabby hands.

They would be alright.

-:-

The second they got back to Louis' flat Dale had him pressed against the wall and was dropping to his knees, unzipping Louis' jeans as his head thumped against the wall and he closed his eyes. Without his permission his mind conjured images of green eyes instead of brown, chocolate curls instead of black waves, porcelain skin instead of olive. 

Louis came harder than ever before and guilt flooded him right after, but that didn't stop him from fucking Dale until they were both too weak to move.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine you understood what Harry was saying better than Louis did... not that we can blame him for not getting it.
> 
> Also, In my last A/N I didn't mean to make it sound like Louis is actively (maybe subconsciously) saving himself for Harry (I should have said 'should I as the creator of this story save Louis' first time for Harry') he's obviously not saving himself (knowingly) because he has no damn clue they may have a chance to become more than friends, and if he were, he'd still be a virgin in every sense of the word. He's avoiding bottoming because 1, he has issues with fully opening himself to someone (no pun intended) and 2, though he may toy with the idea, he doesn't want it enough to give it serious thought and no amount of hoping on his or Dale's part will make him ready BEFORE he's ready. Even if he doesn't bottom with Dale, there's no guarantee he will with Harry either. I just wanted to see which option was preferred but it's very possible that neither will happen. Though I have an idea now that involves a very guilty Harry....
> 
> Thoughts?


	4. Bad Taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! Hope you don't mind.

Louis shivered and crossed his arms in front of himself, his breath visible in the November air as he exhaled and looked around. Where the hell was Harry? He was supposed to meet Louis and Dale outside the club. It had been Louis' idea, Harry needed some fun and he even promised himself he wouldn't try to kill someone if Harry found a girl to take home. Dale's chin rested against his shoulder as the slightly taller man wrapped his arms around Louis, attempting to warm them both. “Should we just wait inside?”  
  
Huffing, Louis fished his phone out of his pocket. ' **where r u?** '  
  
“M'right here.”  
  
Louis jumped, his head colliding with Dale's causing both men to hiss. Harry watched them but didn't apologize; ignoring the shiver that had nothing to do with the cold, Louis rushed forward, dragging Dale by the hand. “Let's get inside it's bloody freezing!”  
  
Harry nodded and followed them silently, heading straight for the bar while Dale and Louis found a booth. Dale left him to order their drinks then and Louis' eyes scanned the crowd the way they always did until Harry was suddenly back, a drink in one hand, two in the other. Louis raised his eyebrows. “Dale's getting-”  
  
“This one's for you,” Harry interrupted, his deep voice barely audible over the music as he pushed one drink towards Louis and set the other two on his side of the table as he shrugged off his coat. “These, are for me.”

Louis glued his eyes on the table top to keep from blatantly staring at the lean body encased all in black as Harry leaned forward to toss his coat before sliding into his seat and reaching for his drink. Once again, worry ate at Louis' gut as he watched his friend down both in less than a minute and barely wincing. Before he could say something Harry pursed his lips and fixed him with a _look_. "Never would have taken you for a club hopper."

Miffed, Louis crossed his arms and tilted his head in a way that told Harry to shut up. "I'm not that little nerd anymore, Harry."  
  
Snorting, Harry downed the last bit of his drink and bared his teeth. "I know. The old you had taste."  
  
" _Excuse me?_ "  
  
Dale shouted something from behind him then.  
  
"Speak of the devil," Harry smirked, fingers toying with the rim of his glass. "And he shall appear."  
  
Louis' eyes widened and anger raced through him but Dale was dropping down beside him before he could answer. Harry's smirk only grew as Louis glared. Where the hell was this even coming from? Harry had been... civil, ever since the day he'd come back, so why was he being a bitch all of a sudden? Louis' eyes fell to the empty glasses of alcohol in front of Harry and realized he already had his answer.  
  
"Here's your drink-" Dale paused as he picked up on the tension but didn't comment. Instead he eyed the untouched drink beside Louis' hand. "but it looks like Harry got to you first."  
  
"Understatement." Harry snorted and Louis kicked him under the table, _hard_. Harry didn't flinch.  
  
"Everything okay...?" Dale asked, sounding almost nervous.  
  
Pasting on a phony smile Louis forced out a laugh. "Oh _yeah_. Harry and I were just arguing over what kind of cake we should get for Anne's birthday."  
  
Harry raised his eyebrows and nodded in a way that made him look both childish and patronizing. "Louis has shit taste in cake. It's always pretty and charming on the outside but when you bite into it, you get a mouthful of oily rubbish. In fact, I'd sooner swim through hot puke than be in the same room with the one he's favouring now.  "

Grinding his teeth, Louis dug his fingers into his thighs to keep from climbing across the table and strangling Harry. "Harry here is one to talk. He always chooses something frilly and tall and overly sweet, but in the end, it has no substance and is... full of air. _I_ would rather choke on shit than live through a repeat of his poor choices from the past." Louis shrugged, finally taking a tiny sip of his drink -the one _Dale_ brought him- and ignoring the way his boyfriend looked like he didn't know what to do with himself.  
  
Harry's lips pulled back into a smile that was way too wide to be anything good. "I'm willing to try something different if you are."  
  
Louis choked.  
  
-:-

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” Louis screamed, shoving Harry against the wall. He had followed the taller man to the bathroom after Dale had left them to dance with a promise that Louis would join him soon. “Why couldn't you have waited and talked to me?!”  
  
Harry's face was blank and his breath smelled heavily of alcohol after several drinks as he stared down at the furious younger man; Louis wanted to slap him. Had Stella done this to him? This wasn't the Harry he knew, this emotionless, deadened _shell_ who got some kind of perverse pleasure out of provoking people. The Harry he knew and stupidly, loved, was kind and sweet and loving and never had a bad word to say about anyone. Louis wanted _his_ Harry back.  
  
In the blink of an eye their positions were reversed and the air was knocked from Louis' lungs as Harry pressed against him. He opened his mouth to tell Harry off but before he had the chance, the drunken man crashed their lips together and Louis froze, stunned. When Harry's tongue pushed into his mouth it shocked him into motion and before he knew it he had shoved Harry off, a violent crack echoing off the walls as his hand connected with Harry's cheek.

As his hand throbbed, Louis realized what he had done and took a step towards Harry who was staring at him, eyes darkened in anger and something else he'd never seen directed at him before.

“Oh god, I'm so-” Louis' words were cut off as Harry rushed at him, hands gripping him violently and lifting him from the floor, forcefully carrying him into a stall. Fear laced his veins as Harry squeezed his jaw in one hand, holding his face still as he leaned in and kissed him once more. When he tried to kick out, Harry used the opportunity to get the smaller man's legs around his waist.

“Harry, let me go!” Louis panted, reaching up to yank the other man's hair, hoping it would get him to let go.

“Never,” Harry growled, “Never again.”

“You're fucking drunk! Get off me!” Louis yelled as he tried and failed to get Harry to stop mouthing at his jaw and put him down. Realizing it would useless, he tried a different approach. Louis let his legs drop until he was standing on his tiptoes and gripped Harry's face, pulling him away from where he was trying to chew a hole in Louis' neck so their eyes met. “You're messed up over Stella but Harry, _please_ don't do this. You're my best friend, let me help you, I miss _my_ Harry.”

Harry stared at him for a moment, his eyes searching, then he began laughing. Not a chuckle, a full blown hysterical laugh. Louis' chest tightened in hurt but Harry spoke then. “This is all so fucked up.” He rasped, still laughing, though not loudly anymore.  
  
Louis gasped as Harry's arms became so tight around him he could barely breathe, the taller man stooped over almost in the extreme as he pressed his face into Louis' shoulder.

“Harry-” he began to struggle again until he realized Harry's shoulders weren't shaking the way they had been a moment ago. Leaning his head back Louis looked down to where Harry's face was pressed against his shoulder and realized then that Harry was no longer laughing, he was crying. Louis' chest ached as he listened to his friend's hitched breaths and felt wetness seeping into his shirt. Acting on instinct, Louis caressed Harry's hair, pushing it back off his face and tucking it behind his ear. He bit his lip as the side of Harry's teary face was exposed to him then; mouth contorted and red.

“Oh darling.” Louis whispered, pressing a kiss to Harry's temple as he continued to pet his hair, pulling him closer with his other arm, wanting to meld himself with the other man and take away his pain. “Sweetheart it's okay, I'm here.”

Harry responded by pushing himself even further against Louis' body, like he couldn't get close enough; Louis just kept placing small kisses over any part of Harry's face that was exposed, wanting to comfort him in any way he could. All their lives Louis hadn't been able to handle seeing Harry cry and had always done everything in his power to comfort him and that hadn't changed.

“Lou, I'm sorry.” Harry gasped almost hysterically, “m's-sorry m's-so so s-sorry m'sor-ry-”

“Shhh-shhh” Louis soothed, lifting Harry's tearful, red face from his shoulder. The taller man immediately let him go and stepped back but Louis brushed the tears away with his thumbs and stepped close again until they were chest to ~~stomach~~  chest “We need to get you home darling.”

Harry just hung his head as more tears fell and he kept mumbling unintelligibly. Unable to stop himself, Louis wrapped his arms around Harry again and kissed his cheeks before going up on his toes to kiss his forehead. They had always been affectionate with each other and Louis had no qualms about showing Harry tenderness to comfort him. Pressing one more kiss beside Harry's nose, Louis began to lead them out, keeping an arm around the other man's waist. He stopped as they reached the door and Louis thought about the distance to the exit and frowned, he didn't want to have to drag Harry through a bunch of people and it seemed Harry agreed because he moved closer. Digging his phone out of his pocket, Louis texted Dale, telling him to get their belongings from the booth and meet them at the back exit.

“C'mon Hazza.” Louis said gently, “We're going out the back.”

When Dale finally joined them, he looked at them worriedly and Louis rolled his lips together before speaking. “We'll talk later.”

 

  
Louis hadn't wanted to bring Harry home drunk so he'd taken him back to his flat, telling Dale he should go home and get some sleep as he exited the taxi with a sleepy Harry in tow.

-:-

Dale watched his boyfriend go with a sigh and pulled out his phone. **'Can I come over?'**

**'Door's unlocked.'**

“Where to?” the driver asked and Dale rattled off the address, asking him to make a stop along the way; he had to pick up a box of condoms since Will never seemed to have them on hand.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though I'm the one writing this I still yelled at the screen 'you could have had him without force you big idiot but noooooooooo you had to marry Stella'
> 
> As for Dale... well, he's getting something from Will that he's not getting from Louis... I'm pretty sure you can guess exactly what.
> 
> Thoughts?


	5. In The Same Boat

As Louis half dragged Harry into his flat the taller man suddenly decided personal space wasn't a thing and plastered himself against Louis' back, nuzzling at his cheek. “Stop that,” he snapped, slapping Harry's hands away. He had a boyfriend for fuck's sake.

Harry giggled like a kid but refused to cease his molestation. “Mmm...” he hummed into Louis hair, making the smaller man elbow him as he locked the door. “Same cuddly Lou _uu_ L _oo_ u _oo_ L _ou_ ”

“Harry. No.”

Maybe he should make some tea, but first, “Take off your boots.” He did not need mud on the floor thank you.

Harry made a face at him, blinking his eyes slow and dopey, his mouth pulled tight, dimples showing; Louis had always called it his 'frog face'

“Okay.” Harry nodded, attempting to yank off his boots and ended up tipping sideways until Louis stepped forward to catch him before he brained himself. “Christ, you're heavy.”

Harry shook his head wildly then snuggled his face into Louis' shoulder like a cat. “M'not, you're juss wee.”  
  
“I am not.”  
  
“Muh'wee Louis...”  
  
“I don't care if you're drunk, I'll make you sleep outside.”  
  
“Love my wee Louis,” Harry mumbled and yawned. Louis felt his heart rate spike but then reminded himself that Harry was _drunk_. Even if he wasn't, he had a boyfriend, and _even if he didn't_ , there was no way he would get romantically involved with Harry, not after everything - even if he did love the big dummy.  
  
Louis began pulling him toward the bedroom -he himself would take the sofa- when Harry suddenly twitched. “Needa bathroom.”  
  
Sighing, he lead the drunken flailing man to the bathroom and told him not to fall down or hit his head on the tub and closed the door, going into the kitchen, he should make that tea now.

Louis really hoped Harry wasn't going to vomit on the floor or something. He rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen to put the water on and find the bottle of _good_ painkillers he kept hidden in the cupboard, Harry would need them in the morning.

Harry stumbled out of the bathroom just as the kettle was boiling and Louis shook his head as he poured the water over the bags, setting one cup aside; he wouldn't trust Harry with a marshmallow right now never mind boiling liquids.

“Sit.”  
  
Instead of going and sitting on the sofa, Harry plopped himself on the floor. Louis' head fell back as he let out a long-suffering sigh before trudging over and holding his hands out; he was starting to think Harry had a multiple personality disorder – at least when he was drunk. Harry gripped his wrists and pulled him down, making him fall directly on top of the drunken man with a grunt. Before he could sit up, a pair of big hands were massaging his ass through his jeans and Louis squeaked, wriggling as he tried to get up but Harry's grip only tightened and he hummed contentedly, nipping at his neck in the exact same spot he'd went after in the bathroom back at the club.

Louis closed his eyes tightly, if it had been anyone else they would have gotten a knee to the crotch, but _fuck_. Two years ago this was all he'd wanted -minus the drunkenness, two years go he would have let Harry fuck him until he couldn't walk.  
  
But this wasn't then, it was now.  
  
“Harry, no.” Louis croaked, trying to push himself away.

Harry let out a little growl, his teeth digging even harder into the skin of his neck. There was a part of Louis that just wanted to let Harry do what he wanted with him, but the slowly decreasing rational part was telling him to get up, give Harry his tea and go to bed.  
  
“Alright!” Louis grunted, using all his strength to free himself from Harry's grip, grabbing the other man by the shoulders and yanking him upright. Harry's nose twitched as he took in the expression on Louis' face but he stood anyway, allowing himself to be led towards the bedroom.

-:-

Louis' leg jiggled restlessly as Dale pulled his earlobe between his teeth; the other man had been all over him for the last five minutes but Louis just couldn't get into it, which was extremely odd for him, Louis was _always_ in the mood, yet with every press of Dale's lips on his skin the need to be somewhere else grew stronger. It had only been two days since the episode in the club and Louis couldn't stop thinking about it. Harry had kissed him and felt him up,  _twice_ ; he didn't know if he was more hurt or relieved that Harry had been drunk when it happened. On one hand, he hated to think his friend would knowingly make a move on him _knowing_ he had a boyfriend, on the other hand, why did Harry _have_ to be drunk to kiss him?

He'd told Dale what had happened and he had seemed... oddly okay with it, which worried Louis, but then, he was also glad it hadn't caused a huge argument.  
  
Louis' phone rang then and he was shooting off the sofa so quickly Dale fell sideways into the cushions. He felt his face redden as he realized he had literally checked out while his boyfriend was touching him.  
  
“Mum!” Louis gasped in relief; the fuck was wrong with him?  
  
“Why aren't you helping Harry move into his new flat?”  
  
Louis felt his face scrunch up in confusion; Harry hadn't mentioned anything. “He didn't tell me...”  
  
“Well get over there and help him, Anne said he'll be taking a moving van over to storage to pick up his things in three hours.”  
  
After Louis hung up he glanced at Dale who was looking at him with an annoyed expression and Louis sighed, “Harry's moving today, I'm gonna go over and help out in about an hour, you wanna help?”  
  
“He's not going to jump you again, is he?”  
  
Louis' already red face turned puce then, “What!”  
  
Dale raised an eyebrow, “I know you said he kissed you because he was drunk, but, did you guys have something going on before he got married? I mean... it's okay if you did, and it would explain the looks you keep giving each other.”  
  
Mouth falling open, Louis blinked rapidly, trying to clear his head. “I- no, no there was nothing between us back then...” he trailed off when he saw Dale's eyes narrow, so he added: “On his side, anyway.”

“I hate to break it to you babe, but that's bullshit.”

“Wh-”  
  
“He definitely has feelings for you.”  
  
“I-”  
  
“And it's pretty fucking obvious they're returned.”

Louis exhaled sharply, “I swear to you I would never-”

“Louis, I know _you_ wouldn't...and it makes me feel like such an asshole.” Dale looked down then, shame crossing his features. No.

“Dale... please don't tell me...”  
  
Dale's eyes drifted from left to right then met Louis'. “Since before we started dating.”

“What!? _How_ -”

A sad smile ghosted across Dale's lips. “I... we're kind of in the same boat, you and I.”  
  
Letting himself fall into a chair, Louis looked at the other man expectantly. He should be furious, raging and screaming and tossing Dale out on his backside, but he couldn't bring himself to get angry. Neither of them had been truly devoted to the other. It would make him a hypocrite.

Dale sighed and sat back down on the sofa. “His name is Will. I... I love him, but he made it clear from day one that we were nothing more than fuckbuddies. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and left. The night I met you... I was looking-”  
  
“For a distraction,” Louis said quietly and Dale nodded, smiling sadly at him before continuing.

“You were supposed to be a one night thing...but you made me feel comfortable, and wanted and I kept coming back for that feeling.” Louis smiled at that, he knew exactly what Dale meant. “Then Will... he came after me and I gave in. A week later you and I decided to be exclusive... I told him about us then... and he didn't react well. Sick as it sounds, I hoped it was jealousy, but then he kicked me out. When I left, I fully intended to never see him again and devote myself to you, but he just kept pursuing me... I couldn't and _still_ can't stay away from him. No matter how much I tell myself otherwise, I love him. You have no idea how much I wish I didn't.”

"Oh, I think I do." Louis said, biting his top lip and fiddling with the hem of his jumper, “You stayed with me because he wouldn't offer you a proper relationship.”  
  
Dale looked ashamed again but nodded, quickly wiping away a tear that had slipped down his cheek.

“Well,” Louis sighed, slumping back in the chair. “I guess we are in the same boat, sort of. Though I think we can both agree we shouldn't stay together.”  
  
“I think that's obvious.” Dale snorted, “Friends?”  
  
“Does this mean I get to punch you for cheating on me, _mate?_ ”  
  
Dale scrunched up his face, “Sure, just not the face, anywhere but the face.” they both snickered then and he cleared his throat. “So what's your story with Harry?” 

Louis clucked his tongue and held up a finger before getting up and going into the kitchen, coming back a second later holding a lighter and a blunt. “I think we both could use this.”

“Louis, we're going to Harry's in an hour.”  
  
“So? we'll just be really hungry.”  
  
Dale looked sideways at him and smirked, “Maybe I shouldn't go, you might end up eating his dick.”  
  
Louis rolled his eyes and put the blunt between his lips, lighting it. He'd just broken up with his boyfriend, yet he felt lighter than he had in months while he smoked weed with said ex-boyfriend. How did his life even work?

“Not likely mate,” he choked as he released the smoke, passing it to Dale. “I'm not really keen on getting my heart broken again, he and I are friends, nothing more.” Louis had learned his lesson well; and he would never risk their friendship again.

Dale took a drag and held it in for a moment before coughing it back out, “You're both like... googly eyed,” he coughed again, “though.”

Louis laughed then, high pitched and loud. “Look at us, we just broke up five minutes ago and now we're discussing our boy troubles like high school girls.”

“Who smoke weed,” Dale added, setting Louis off again and triggering Dale until they were both howling.

They should have tried being friends before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had another chapter planned BEFORE this one but it didn't fit with the story, so I skipped it and went straight to this instead.  
> I know a lot of you were mad about Dale cheating but I didn't just pull it out of no where, I wanted to parallel his situation with Louis' to show that there was a reason they were drawn to each other, even if it wasn't meant to last. Their friendship looks like it could be good though. I would like to show more of Dale and Will, but if you don't want to see it, I won't. 
> 
> Also, don't think that because Louis is single he'll just fall into Harry's arms.
> 
> Again, comments are my fuel! xx.
> 
> P.S. Jamie Campbell Bower is Will. http://twibellaednews.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/tumblr_l38kxrav4y1qa7ivbo1_500.jpg


	6. Moving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's possessive side comes out to play.

Harry and what looked to be a friend were in the process of loading the moving van with the few belongings Harry had brought with him to Anne's house when Louis' taxi pulled in. He had considered borrowing his neighbour and girl night buddy Eleanor's car, but realized it probably wasn't the smartest idea given what he had been doing an hour before.

Dale had stayed behind; apparently weed made him clumsy and the last thing Louis needed was his ex-boyfriend falling down a flight of stairs while carrying a chair or something. He had loaned Louis an old shirt though as Louis had nothing he was willing to get dirty. He had burst out laughing on the ride over when he realized this was the only time he had ever worn Dale's clothes and they weren't even a couple anymore. It had earned him an odd look from the driver. The shirt was way too big on him and kept slipping down his shoulder, not even in the sexy flashdance way, just in the ratty way. 

“Hey boys!” Louis shouted out the window as he pulled in the drive, noting Harry's surprised expression. “Your mother called me, Harold.” he'd huffed as he hopped out of the car and paid the driver. “You could have told me you were moving.”  
  
Harry shrugged, closing the van door and leaning against it, “Didn't want to bother you.”  
  
Louis narrowed his eyes; when Harry had woken the other morning he hadn't seemed to remember anything about groping him, Louis wondered if it had come back to him.

“We've been friends since before we could form coherent sentences, Harry. Don't be ridiculous.” He shook his head and went inside where he was greeted with a hug from Anne and the smell of cookies, he had eaten a very large sandwich and downed two cups of coffee before coming in an attempt to lessen his buzz but he was still hungry. Figures he had to be _high_ to eat properly. Following his nose into the kitchen he placed his knee on one of the stools and pushed himself up so he could reach the plate, it was weird, he still felt at home here.

“You haven't changed,” Anne smiled as she came in behind him, “the boys are heading out soon, would you like some tea to go?”  
  
Louis hummed around the cookie and leaned over again, snatching two more from the plate. He heard a loud snort behind him and looked over his shoulder to where Harry was standing in the doorway glaring at the tall, gangly man with black hair and sticky-out ears who was snickering beside him. Anne looked on in amusement as she prepared the tea, “Louis, have you met Colin?”  
  
Hopping off the stool, Louis transferred the cookies to his left hand before wiping his right on his jeans and offering it to Colin, “Now I have, nice to meet you.”  
  
Clearing his throat Colin smiled widely at him and spoke with an Irish lilt. “You too. I've heard _so_ much about yooof- _ow!_ ” Louis' brows furrowed as Harry's elbow dug into Colin's ribs.

“Where's Dale?” Harry asked then as he went over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.

“Erm...” Should he tell them about his break-up? He looked back and forth between Anne and Colin; Anne seemed to get the hint first, placing the lid on the to-go cup and setting it in front of Louis before heading into the other room with pointed look at Colin, telling him to follow her. Harry crossed his arms over his chest then, waiting for him to speak.  
  
“We broke up.”  
  
Harry's eyes widened and if Louis didn't know any better, he'd think he looked... relieved. “What... happened?”  
  
“He cheated on me.” Louis blurted, his own eyes widening – clearly, the buzz had not worn off yet. His head snapped up when he heard a sharp ex-hale; Harry's nostrils were flared and his eyes looked almost wild. It honestly scared Louis.

“I'll kill the little cocksucker,” Harry growled, stalking towards the backdoor. Panicking, Louis latched onto the taller man's arm with both hands and planted his feet firmly on the wooden floor even though he knew Harry could lift him with that one arm alone.

“Harry! Please don't!” He begged as he was literally dragged across the floor. “I-I-I- we- neither of us were ever truly invested in the relationship, I was a little mad but I wasn't hurt, we're friends now, please!”  
  
“You're friends with someone who betrayed you? Why?”  
  
Louis cringed, he should have thought this through. “We... understand each other. I wasn't-” shitshitshitttttt “exactly faithful, either.”  
  
Harry eyed him incredulously.  
  
“Before you think I'm some mega-slut - okay never mind because I actually was before I met him - I didn't cheat physically, but I wasn't... _with_ him one hundred percent... emotionally either.”

“I don't know what that means,” Harry admitted, his eyes narrowed, “Did you just call yourself a slut?”

Louis sighed, relieved he wouldn't have to explain _why_ he wasn't emotionally connected to Dale; it wouldn't change anything even if he did. He shrugged, “I've had my moments.” he snorted, “lets just say I've lost count,” he nudged Harry playfully. “if you know what I mean.”

Okay, he was never smoking weed again.

Harry didn't answer but his jaw was clenched so tight that Louis flinched, worried he would break his teeth. What was Harry's problem?

“We need to go,” The taller man ground out between clenched teeth, grabbing Louis by the elbow and dragging him outside toward the moving van.  
  
“My tea...”  
  
“We'll get some later, get in the van.” he growled, going back to grab the last suitcase from the hallway.  
  
Louis frowned at Harry's retreating back before turning to look up at the van's passenger door, why did it have to be so high up? With his luck he'd misstep and break his jaw. “Need some help?” Colin offered cheerfully from behind him and Louis smiled.

“Please.”

Colin stepped forward, wrapping his hands around Louis' waist, ready to give him a boost. “ _Colin!_ ”  
  
They both jumped at Harry's sharp tone as he stalked forward, tossing the suitcase on the ground and giving Colin a _look._ The black haired man backed up quickly, hands raised as he let Harry take over.

“What-” Louis was being lifted before he could say anything else; if he had known it was going to cause this much trouble, he would have just climbed up by himself. He was about to scoot over to the middle thinking Colin was going to get in beside him but instead, Harry tossed the keys at Colin.

“You drive.” he said, climbing in the drivers side and placing himself in the middle before Colin followed, sliding behind the wheel before sending them both a humored look. Louis' nose twitched, what the actual fuck?

Harry turned to him as the van started. “It's about a fifty minute drive, and it will take around an hour and a half to load all my stuff into the back, probably another couple of hours to get it in my flat, you might have to stay the night.” 

Louis opened his mouth but Colin spoke first. “Great! We can order-”

“Shut up Colin.” Harry snapped, still looking at Louis.  
  
“Uh-”  
  
“You let me stay with you the other night,” Harry insisted, “It's the least I can do.”

Louis just nodded dumbly. Perhaps it would be fun, like old times.

“So Louis,” Colin began as they pulled out of the driveway; laughter noticeably suppressed his voice, “Harry tells me you're in Uni to become a teacher, that's really great. I've always had a thing for hot teach-”  
  
 _'You, PMS,  
Like a bitch, I would know-'_

Colin's mouth snapped shut as he was cut off by Katy Perry after Harry had reached forward and turned on the radio. Louis bit his lip in an attempt not to smile then, Harry was ridiculous; he probably shouldn't find it so adorable either, he mused as he examined Harry's profile from pouty lips to green eyes. Stop it. Stop it right now! Louis shook himself. He loved Harry, but never again would he allow himself to be hurt by him.

They were friends and would remain so; nothing more.  
  
Louis jumped as Colin began yodeling along with a radio, sending the bouncing man a literal 'what the fuck' look. Harry leaned over then, his lips brushing Louis' ear as he whispered. "You get used to him."  
  
Shivering, he nodded and forced himself to smile.   
  
The Lord was testing him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Louis.
> 
> Colin = Colin Morgan.
> 
> Thoughts?


	7. The Talk part 1 of 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, it's late. I'll go over it again later and fix it up.

Louis was spreadeagle on the floor when Harry came back from the restaurant up the road. How the _hell_ was he still upright!? Louis was fucking dead. They had lifted and dragged and hauled because  _Harry_ had went and chose the building with a broken bloody lift. It was only two flights but it added up when you climbed up and down them twelve times. Louis was going to be sore for days, and not even in the good way.

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously as Harry strode around the kitchen looking for silverware like he hadn't just spent the last six hours lifting boxes.

“How are you even alive right now?” he grumbled from the floor as a pair of long legs encased in ripped black jeans came into view.

“I work out a lot,” Harry snorted, peering down at him while balancing soup and sandwiches in each hand.  
  
Of course he fucking did.   
  
“Ugh!” Louis growled, kicking off his shoes. The food smelled delicious but there was just no way he could sit upright long enough to eat it. “Why? I hate just fetching the mail.” he complained, pouting as he watched Harry sit on his brand new sofa and set their soup on the coffee table; thank God he'd had all his furniture delivered before they got there. Bending his left leg, Louis stared at the bowl on the table; he was getting there. 

Harry looked back and forth between Louis and the soup. “That, is why you look like a stick.”

“I am _not_ a stick!”  
  
“You weren't always,” Harry snorted.  
  
“Yeah, well you weren't always a bloody gym rat, so I guess we're even.”

“We're really, _really_ not though, twiggy.”  
  
Narrowing his eyes, Louis planted his other foot on the floor and forced himself to stand; wincing at the stiffness in his legs. “I'll have you know I'm very lean thank you _very_ much!” to prove his point he lifted the hem of his sweater up under his chin and pointed to his (mostly) flat belly - no matter what that little curve never seemed to go anywhere.

Harry paused, spoon half-way to his mouth and _stared._ Just as Louis felt a blush setting his face on fire Harry blinked rapidly and dropped his eyes to the table. “If by lean you mean a better waist to hip ratio than most women, then yeah.”

“Oi! I do not have a womanly figure you prat.”

“Mmm. It's rare for men, but paired with a nice ass... there's nothing sexier, gives a lad something to hold onto while he f-”  
  
“Shut it.” Louis snipped, his mouth pinching as he walked over to the table, plopping down on the other side and reaching for his food while pointedly ignoring the smirk Harry was giving him.

-:-

  
“I think the sofa is in the wrong spot...”  
  
“Harry! jee _eessssuussss_ , go to sleep!”  
  
Even though they had almost killed themselves -Louis had anyway- moving and lifting all day, Harry had begun pushing furniture around after they'd eaten. When Louis finally got him to stop and lie down on the makeshift beds made from blankets and pillows on the floor, Harry still laid awake.  
  
“It's bothering me.” Harry huffed, “It should be facing the-”  
  
“I _will_ kill you.”

“What are you going to do? Crush me to death with your little tiny body?”

“Stop being obsessed with my body,” Louis sniffed playfully, though some twisted part of him wished it were true. Harry went quiet then, and Louis felt his face heat up for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. They used to tease each other constantly when they were teenagers but things were different now, even if Louis wished they weren't.

“S'a bit late for that,” Harry murmured.

Louis froze as he heard the other man moving around and a few seconds later Harry was directly behind him, placing a warm hand on his shoulder. “I think we should talk about what happened back then-”  
  
Feeling his body go tense, Louis took in a deep breath, he had known it was coming but hadn't realized it would be so soon or so sudden. “There's no point, Harry. It's water under the bridge, we're friends, what is there to talk about?”  
  
Harry didn't answer for a long moment, then Louis felt the hand on his should tugging at him and rolling him onto his back. He could see Harry from the corner of his eye as he leaned on his elbow inches away, head resting on his hand, hair everywhere. Swallowing, Louis folding his arms over his stomach and forced himself to look at Harry. “Do you remember when I told you I regretted my marriage?”  
  
Louis nodded, he felt bad for Harry, no one deserved a marriage so bad that they regretted the whole thing. “I'm sorry things ended badly,” he whispered, “You deserved better.”  
  
Harry laughed at that. “I had the best,”  
  
“Then why are you getting div-”  
  
“...and I was too thick to see it, so I lost it.”  
  
“Harry... what-”  
  
Harry leaned forward and captured his lips, effectively silencing him. Louis knew he should push the other man away and leave but goddamn it all to Hell, he'd always been weak when it came to Harry. He moaned as soft, plump lips nipped and sucked at his own, making him want to... _give in_. It took every ounce of strength and dignity he possessed to put his hand on Harry's shoulder and push. “Don't.”  
  
“I want you,” Harry declared, “I want all of you.”  
  
Louis squeezed his eyes closed and shook his head, “No. _No_ , you don't. You're lonely, I get it, and I'm here for you, always, but I won't be your rebound, Harry.”  
  
“Rebound? What rebound? That implies I'm sad about my marriage ending when I'm not. I love _you_.”  
  
Behind his eyelids, Louis could feel tears threatening and he sat up, pulling his knees to his chest. Harry didn't mean it. “No, you don't-” he shivered as he felt the blankets move until he could feel the warmth of Harry's chest against the back of his left arm.  
  
“When I was thinking about you on my fucking wedding night, I realized what a fucking mess I had gotten us into.” Harry confessed quietly, his breath tickling Louis' ear.  
  
“Please stop speaking-”  
  
“At first I was angry with you,”  
  
Louis tensed until Harry's hand began rubbing his back. “I thought maybe it was your fault. That my feelings were a reaction to you telling me about yours, then I realized, the way I felt for you hadn't changed, that I was  made blind to to my own feelings because I'd felt them all my life. It's not an excuse, and I don't expect you to forgive me, I just wanted you to understand what took _me_ so long to understand myself.”

“Two years, Harry. You were gone for two years,” Louis whispered as he wiped the tears that had begun falling. He couldn't deal with this.  
  
“I wanted an annulment.”  
  
“What?”  
  
Harry pushed closer until his chin was resting on Louis' shoulder, reminding him of when they were kids and he would lean against Harry when he was tired or just because, and the older boy would quickly adjust to the position.

“I wanted an annulment. Then Stella... told me she was pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louis will have a very big decision to make in the next chapters...
> 
> Thoughts?

**Author's Note:**

> *coughs* I named Harry's wife Stella so I could call them Hella.
> 
> Anyways, what do you think? Did Harry make a Hella big mistake? (I can't stop myself I'm sorry) Are Louis' ways of coping going to catch up to him? 
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> P.S. Harry is a year older than Louis in this story and 19 when he marries Stella. Also, I picture Ezra Miller as Dale.


End file.
